Growing Up Hairy

“The Werewolf and the Gyno” By Coco Warbucks I started sleeping with this new guy. I had been seeing for about 2 months. The sex was dynamite except for one thing, his penis was bent to the left. I nicknamed him “Captain Hook”. Apparently upon insertion it created a weird angle and my ummmm “area” became irritated. I made myself an appointment at the good old Gynecologist to see if anything else was Eschew, besides my new lover’s member. The night before my doctors appointment I had a dinner date with my dad. He is a tiny Italian man, 5’5, white hair, salt and pepper mustache, and sparkly eyes like Santa Claus. My Dad is a very unique man. Most would say he walks to the beat of his own Doo Wop tune. He has a nickname for everyone and is obsessed with buying things in bulk. For Example if you tell him you like the movie Fatso he will buy you 10 copies, just so you have them. He also “decorates” his New York studio apartment for every holiday, Christmas, Halloween, Tha

SO it is a new year, 2013!! 13 is my lucky number so this has got to be my year right? I mean last year I found out that I had a large tumor growing from my side that twitched like Woody Allen and had a secret obsession with horses who liked to knit. It almost suffucated me, it almost convinced me to change my name to faithless and use coffee filters instead of toilet paper. Oh wait a minute that wasn't a tumor it was my ex husband.... No but really now that I got that little dig out of the way I can honestly say we are best friends now. Now that I can accept him for the souless, selfish bastard that he is we get along great! No but seriously he gave me a gift that is priceless which is my true soulmate, my daughter D and for that I am forever grateful. He did also give me ring worm, a tilted uterus and an an odd need to quote Hellen Keller . SO in 2013 I made a promise to myself to forgive and move on not only for myself but for my daughter's sake. I even agreed to